Being stay at home mom can take a toll in several ways. We can "lose ourselves", get bored, stir crazy, or just find ourselves in a less than awesome mindset I think it's critical to develop a healthy positive mindset, and it usually has to take a bit of intentionality.
Why is this important?
As a friend told me, "Your beliefs become your thoughts, your thoughts become your words, your words become your actions, your actions become your habits, your habits become your values, your values become your destiny."
Your thought life is the foundation of everything you do and how you perceive the world around you. Your thoughts affect your behavior, which in turn affects your family and household. So it is critical to learn how to be mindful of your thought patterns and intentionally work towards making it positive and healthy.
5 Things to Let Go of Now
Comparison - Your motherhood does not, and should not look like anyone else's. You are unique, and so is your family, children, and many other factors. It can be easy to see what other mothers are doing and feel like we are better or worse. That helps no one, and really plants seeds of either envy (yuck!) or pride (boo). So when you find yourself wishing or judging, catch that thought and stop it in it's tracks. Rather, try to celebrate other women; and more so, celebrate yourself, your wins, and the blessings you enjoy every day.
Complaining - We can find a thousand things to nit pick every day. Especially with kids in the house. The volume may get too loud, things may need to be picked up, perfection is elusive. There are things that are going to rub us the wrong way DAILY. Complaining is like planting weeds in your own garden. It leaves less space for positive and edifying thoughts. Rather, when you find something you could complain about, train your mind to counter the thought with gratitude. What, in this situation, can you be thankful for? Gratitude is an amazing mindset tool to combat negative thinking.
Mom Guilt - This is a sneaky one. We make mistakes. And we always will. We are human, right? So do yourself a favor and stop beating yourself up over bumps in the road. Don't spend time thinking about "coulda, woulda, shoulda". Rather, acknowledge your hiccup (to the person it affected, if appropriate), own it, and make a plan of action on how you can avoid it next time. That is the best thing we can do to move forward from our mistakes. And in this way, we set the example to our kids of being responsible for our actions with dignity, and turning it into a learning opportunity.
Being a Victim - Sometimes, there are those of us who can feel like life is happening TO US. "Why aren't my kids like that?", "Why isn't my house like this?", "How could he not get it"? "Why can't I have more of that?" And sometimes we throw ourselves a pity party because it takes responsibility off of us. That is the furthest thing from being an Empowered Manifesting Mama! Rather; repeat after me: "Life is not happening TO me, Life is happening FOR me" Your circumstances and experiences are the unique pieces in the quilt of your life. You can feel crummy about it, or take those pieces and make something beautiful with it. Set goals, work toward them. Step into your power and capability each day!
Fixed/Closed Mindset - Just because things have been or are one way, doesn't mean they have to remain that way always. If you (or your partner) were raised a certain way, that doesn't mean you MUST raise your children the same. You are free to grow, change, adapt, and evolve. If something isn't working, or if there is something you want to have or be...don't cut yourself off! Rather, shake off the "I can't/I'm not" mentality and find out what your strengths ARE, and how you could use them to do, have, become that which you are after. Every massively successful person you can think of, had to push through a ton of obstacles to gain their big win. Don't give up because of a closed mind.
Some women can be more emotional/sensitive to comments, criticism, or judgement. I encourage you today to try and develop a bit of a thicker skin. Others' opinions of you are less a reflection of your character and more a reflection of theirs. Focus less on things out of your control, and more on those things that you CAN. When we allow things that ruffle our feathers to stew and fester, it only deepens our negative feeling, taking up precious time and energy. Instead, try to brush off minor irritations or address the situation to move on in love if you can.
Healthy Mindset Practices
These are excellent habits to incorporate into daily practice, or refer to these when you notice yourself having a discouraging time.
Gratitude : Write down 5 things you’re grateful for each morning or night that are current and relevant.
Affirmations : Articulate 3-5 things you believe about yourself, commit to, and want to manifest in your life.
Rest : Take time each day to do something you enjoy, or nothing at all. It’s important to intentionally infuse your day with something to recharge your soul. Please be mindful that its an activity that charges you, not drains you.
Growth Mindset : Be a learner, commit to growing and developing your skills, hobbies, etc This will keep you inspired, motivated, and excited about life!
Be Honest : Live mindfully and take honest inventory of your life regularly. Make changes accordingly
Value Your Health : You can only function as your best self if your body is nourished and active. Take time to honor it with good foods and movement regularly.
Find Your Crew : Notice the individuals in your life who inspire, encourage and uplift you. Spend more time with them.
Grounding : Take time to reflect inward, quiet your mind, still your thoughts and breathe deeply. There are many ways to practice grounding. Consider standing with your feet touching the earth. Allow your mind to find some peace in the moment. This can help calm you and reset/refresh your mind.
Self-Care : Know exactly what kinds of activities, experiences, surroundings fill you up. When you find yourself feeling stressed, drained, sad; take time to invest in self-care. It will also help refresh, encourage, and re-energize you.
Inspire Yourself : Be your own biggest cheerleader. If negativity comes in, use it as fuel to fire you towards something greater. Don't allow yourself to get beat down by circumstances or people. Allow yourself time to feel the moment (whether you need a cry, a vent session, etc.), then attack your day! Find inspiration in music, books, friends, prayer, whatever works for you. And keep going!!
By the way. Being a mom does not mean being a martyr. Your sacrifice isn’t your badge of honor. What you BRING to the world is. Your gifts, your light, your energy. These are best served Balanced :)
Take inventory of your mindset as it is in this current season.
• Do you find yourself feeling negative often? If yes, try to notice any patterns that might help you anticipate or catch yourself quicker and begin to steer towards a healthier mindset.
• What Healthy Mindset Practices will you commit to including in your daily schedule? Write it down in your journal or block some time for it in your planner.
Malia was born and raised in Kaneohe, Hawaii and graduated from Azusa Pacific University. She spent the majority of her career as an Early Childhood Education Teacher/Administrator.